The first question we should consider is not why, for why is much more obvious than this particular question. The question is when. When did poor Pat start to suck? According to analysts Pat started his vicious cycle of sucking somewhere between the ages of 14 and 35. Once the sucking began, there was no stopping it.

The first theory is puberty did it (1960). Puberty does mean things to people. Sometimes young singers have beautiful voices but once puberty comes along... BLAMO! Nothing. Others faces are turned from completely clear to clearisil covered. It is entirely possible that Pat started to suck at this point. Puberty could do that.

The second theory is the military did it (1968). Yup, Pat joined the army.

".....in a burst of patriotism I joined the U.S. Army, with the hope of getting into Armed Forces Radio."

Let's examine this. First, who wants to join the army? Second, who has patriotism? When looking at those two statements, it would appear Pat sucked before he joined the army. Wow, that is surprising. I was sure that the Army would've fucked with Pat's inner psyche....oh wait, it still could have. It would've made him suck even more. YES! The magnitude of suck-ness must have increased over the years, and the Army was the catalyst! We've made a break through!

So now we have three different theories. Which one do we believe? Who cares! It doesn't matter! He sucks! Who cares when he started? We can't change that, let's just face the facts and enjoy the laughter while we can.